Can you hear the knocking?

So I haven't written anything for a long time. Why? My spiritual life was at a standstill. Although this blog is for more than just spiritual and biblical things that is my main focus. Again, why? Because God should be the biggest part of our lives, at the forefront of our minds.

You've often heard people quote the verse that goes along the lines of, "Behold, I stand at the door and knock..." and if you're anything like me your answer would have been, "Then why can't I hear you knocking?" A couple of nights ago I was in a place where I didn't want to be. See the past year has been a rocky road for me as many of you will know. I starved myself, I wanted to hurt myself, I pushed myself to the point of exhaustion, I was violent, rude, selfish. There was one such rut in my road that was bigger than others, I was stuck in it for 5 months and slowly over time it got deeper and deeper. As the rut got deeper, I slipped further away from God. I tried to keep close to God but to be honest, my heart wasn't in it. You see, my sin caused me to fall away from God, it lowered my standards. It made me not care, it made me sink lower and lower, it made me feel guilty. But most of all, it was bringing others down with me.

Two nights ago, when I was lying in my bed I was incredibly lonely. I wanted my family. I wanted Logan. I wanted to be around my friends. You know who I got instead? God. Most people wouldn't complain at spending time with God, having Him look out for you but I did, I'd been hiding from Him for awhile. I knew He was there, not in a physical sense but He was there, quietly knocking at the door of my heart as He had been more months. All the while waiting for me to let Him in again. The difference was, I was quiet enough to hear him. Or rather, my heart was. When you are stuck with addiction or obsticles etc in your life there are many voices/things that decive you and say they can help. These voices block out the quiet knocking at the door. When other things bowl in and out of the door to your heart, God stands politely outside knocking. Sometimes you can't hear the knocking because of all the other noice and sometimes you hear it and choose to ignore it.

I was of the later catagory. I didn't want God to help me with my problem, I wanted Logan (I know he's great but seriously, what was I thinking?!). A little while later as the knocking got louder and my realisation that Logan couldn't help me got smaller, I slowly opened the door. You see God is always there. Sometimes He comes along quietly and sometimes its like you've been struck in the face but God will do what He needs to to get your attention. Once I'd reopended my heart up to Him I felt incredible peace. It's true, God will never leave you but you may leave Him, whether it be subconsciencly or not.

What I'm trying to say is that when your in a tough place, when you're down, when you want to give up just be still for a second and listen. God is always there. If you can't hear Him knocking then go and find Him, talk with someone, get prayer, read chapters of the Bible such as John and Romans, just get yourself back in His arms. Life may not be easier in them but it sure is worth it.

God Bless,
Kezia